At the age of 10 I had the next 15 years completely planned out – I was to do well in high school so I could attend a wonderful University, be married by the time I was 23 and be done having kids by the age of 25.
Well, I sure had big dreams.
I am now 21 and have been with my boyfriend for 6 years yet we don’t plan on being married for another few years. Although, that does align with my ‘plan’ the kids aspect, does not.
The older I get, the farther away I continue to push that out. I get home from work and I barely have enough energy to make myself dinner let alone have to take care of a child on top of that.
When I first realized this I became extremely worried, ‘but my plan!!!’ was my exact thought. The more I thought about, the less I started to worry.
Every morning I plan out my day, down to the hour, but I thought – why should I try and plan my future? How do I even know what it will entail!?
I’ve realized, I don’t. And I won’t. Not ever.
I went to college to be a preschool teacher and now I’m working as a media planner at a marketing agency. A few months ago I planned on living at home for about a year and now I’m living with my boyfriend.
I cannot control the future and I don’t want to even try to because that’s what makes life fun. The not knowing of what could happen tomorrow, it’s so exhilarating.
Will I even be in Minnesota in the next 5 years? I don’t know! And that is so amazing to me.
It’s almost like I’m living my life in reverse. When you’re young, you’re carefree, open to possibilities, and have a big imagination. Then as you grow older you adapt a schedule-like behavior, planning out every aspect of your life.
I’m like a real life Benjamin Button, on the inside.
Although, I still love my planner(s), I’ve realized that paging forward to May 2017 to write in what I’ll be doing is damn near impossible and essentially stupid of me.
After this realization, I started to notice the nights that I have nothing planned end up being the best nights because they’re full of spontaneity and lack structure. I don’t get freakishly stressed out if something doesn’t happen and I just go with the flow which, especially if you know me, is hard for me to do (wow, I sound like such a fun person).
I need to stop worrying so much about having a set “life” plan and just worry about if I’m happy or not. If I want something, I need to go after it and if I don’t want something, I shouldn’t beat myself up if it goes out of the coloring lines in my ‘set plan.’
I know that this adjustment may take a bit to get used to but I think it’s an extremely necessary change. However, you’ll still see me writing in both of my planners, though!! I have no intention on getting rid of them because I thoroughly benefit from having everything written out. But, the set plan I’ve created in my brain and writing anything other than birthday’s for the next few months – yea, that’s getting thrown away.
I’m excited to test this out, it’ll be a refreshing change to my previous uptight demeanor.
with love | Madelyn